Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
