he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
