$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Even my vagina gasped.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
