Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize