I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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