I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
