I CAN MOONWALK!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
