Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
