Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
