My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
