i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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