I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
