shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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