can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
