There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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