Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
