been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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