I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize