if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
