My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
