I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
