I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
do herpes really smell.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
