went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
