Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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