Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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