I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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