I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
