why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
