I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was CRYING into my vagina
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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