respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
