Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
