hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize