Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
