So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everyone is single if you try hard enough
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
