The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
