Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
