Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize