After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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