she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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