chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
