the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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