I could have mohawked her pubes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
