I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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