For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize