if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We're facebook friends in real life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
