just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
