Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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