So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
