Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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