Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
