He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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