I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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