Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
