Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
