Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
