Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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