dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
