You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
