What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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