Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize