I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
