Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize