maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
