I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Congratulations! We have a period
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
