meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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