She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize