Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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