Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
