one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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