Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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