haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
