Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
