I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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