Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
