I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
