Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
