I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
