Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize