oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
