Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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