I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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