im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
