I just threw up on my dentist
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
