He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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