Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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