So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
