i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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