I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
