I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
