how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
