yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
