I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
