I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
