There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want a musical about memes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
