would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
