I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
