I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize