I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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