so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
