her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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